Did Hell just freeze over or is there actually a post popping up on my blog? Yes, yes my friends there is a new post.
You my friend were a challenge to say the least. It so tough to say that the best day of my life happened in a year I wouldn't call my favorite. The amount of stress and pressure that came along with you this year was insurmountable. As a whole you were not my favorite year, but you do hold my most favorite day in your hands. My beautiful boys were born in your year, and for that I will always love 2013. I am also grateful for the following that 2013 held:
My health - i have to remind myself on a daily basis how truly lucky I am to have this. There are many people sitting in hospitals not knowing when their last day will be, that would LOVE to take my place. I am forever grateful for my health.
My husband- this man has been by my side all year. (except this weekend when he flies to Pasadena for the National Championship game, but hey, he deserves it) I'm not sure where I would be without him. He is my rock. Through every smile, laugh, tear, breakdown and let down, he's been right there to share them with me. I am more in love with now then I have ever been.
I am also thankful for his job, and the way he works his tail off. Because of both of these components, I was able to make the decision at the end of this year to stay home with the boys. I so look forward to not ever missing a thing and watching their every growth.
My boys - my boys:) I love saying that. These two littles have brought more joy to my life than I ever could have dreamed. My every breath is stolen by them. My world revolves around them. And I will spend every second of my life making sure they know how much they are loved and how very much they mean to me.
My incredible doctors - my doctors had to make some incredibly tough decisions on my behalf this year. And although I did most of these hard things kicking and screaming, they brought my two happy, healthy baby boys into the world safely. Thank God for them
Hospital bed rest - yes, I said it, I am thankful for the 5 weeks I sat in a hospital bed and cooked my littles just a bit longer. This had a major hand in their health. Their great health. I also made great friends with my nurses and continue with some of those friendships today.
And lastly, through bed rest, I learned a lot about my self. I did lots of soul searching and self learning. Because of bed rest, for the first time in my life, I was fully proud of myself.
Parenthood - parenthood has also taught me so much about myself, it has made Adam and I an incredible team and it is the single best thing that has ever happened to me.
*** my friend Leah gifted me "The Simple Abundance Journal of Gratitude" book. Its dated for every day of the year and you are supposed to write down every night, the little things you were grateful for that day. These things aren't meant to be big things, like family, friends etc… they should be silly things that you take or granted every day. ie: your Starbucks barista had your drink ready and waiting for you when you walked into your neighborhood Starbucks.
I was so excited to receive this, and I am making it one of my goals this year to do it every night. Wont you join me? you can find the book here.
I've listed out some small things below that I am grateful for, some on a daily basis, and some that happen every once in a while:
-my babies crying, screaming crying - i always make a point to stop and think to myself, thank God for those lungs.
-my pup - poor thing didn't know and still doesn't know what happened to her. She has been patient and very good with the boys. She still craves attention but she keeps her distance while still trying to figure out who these little boys are.
-my pump - not really, but really. I hate my pump, I do. But its the only thing that has made giving my boys the very best milk, possible. (I plan to burn it when I'm through)
-my home - i love my house. I curse it on a daily basis when I have to run up and down stairs 100 times a day, and we are currently looking for a new one. But every time I curse it, I do say "if you were only one level, I would stay in you forever" other than the stairs, its perfect. I am so thankful to have a beautiful roof over my head.
-my car - I am blessed to drive what I drive and feel safe every time I am in it and every time I drive the boys in it. I know it sounds silly to be thankful for this, but my anxiety levels aren't as high as they would be knowing I am in a very safe car.
-my bed - after being in a hospital bed for 5 weeks and then on my couch for 2 weeks, I have never been more thankful for that king sized bed in my life. It is my little slice of Heaven.
reflux - both my boys have reflux. And although it is the bane of my existence, I know these boys could have a lot worse conditions. Being "happy spitters" is low on the totem pole of infant conditions and I am thankful to be there and not dealing with something more serious. (or something that gives me less sleep than I am getting now)
-sleep training/Moms On Call - because of this program my boys are sleeping 9 hours through the night now. Which makes this completely sleep deprived momma feel like a whole new woman.
-Snuzas - the boys wear these little alarms to monitor their breathing. If they have no movement for 15 seconds the alarm buzzes them to get them to move, if they don't move after that buzz, an alarm will sound to let Adam and I know. This helps me sleep at night.
There are countless other things that I am grateful and thankful for this year and every day. I am hoping my new journal will keep my list up to par for this letter next year.
Thank you all for following along, for your endless support, prayers and kind words through this year.
Here is to 2014 being the best yet!
WE DID IT!!!!!
Grayson : 8 pounds 0.5 ounces
This was the week I visited the ER for my bladder and kidney infection. It was a long, long week still trying to be a Mom and heal myself. In the midst of all my healing, the boys got a severe “diaper rash” (to me it looks like just raw skin) but the doctor’s office said since they were under a month they wanted to see them. The day I called they didn’t have any open times but after 5pm, our doctors office turns into an urgent care and the doctors take turns taking the evening shift (one of the reasons we chose this practice). So we went in and saw the doc there that night. She didn’t think it was anything but a little rash but put them on two creams to prevent any infection. We go back to the doctor tomorrow (Halloween) for the boys 1 month visit!
We are looking forward to seeing a few more people and celebrating the holidays as a family of four.
*I'm so sorry I didn't keep my promise and blog every day last week. On Wednesday afternoon I got severe body aches and chills. I rested, drank some warm tea, but nothing seemed to help. Adam came home early and I got to taka full 2 hour nap. My symptoms were still the same when I wok up and my temperature was 103.6. I called my OB and she insisted I go to the emergency room. So I did. In tears. When would all of this stop? Adam stayed home with the boys (wasn't about to take them there) and my brother met me at the ER to sit with me since I was so upset. I was there from 8:30pm -2 a.m. getting test run and an IV with fluids and antibiotics. Turns out I had an infection in my bladder and kidneys. PAINFUL. However, now I am feeling better and ready to talk about our first week with the boys*
The day we left the hospital, Amanda (my nurse that I became close with) wasn't working. But she picked up an afternoon shift and came and spent the morning with Adam, the boys and I and helped us get everything ready to leave. Have I mentioned how sweet she is? And they all are for that matter.
Any who, after the boys were cleared for discharge and I was cleared, we got our things together and were wheeled out. At the time of our discharge, the lobby was getting retiled, so we were wheeled through the cafeteria, during lunch time. This should have been my first hint the rest of the day would be full of a comedy of errors.
When we got home Adam and I went inside to see Campbell before we bombarded her with the babies. She immediately ran to Adam. What the hell?! I hadn't seen her in five weeks, and she ran to Adam. Then after a few seconds she ran my direction and loved on me for a bit. Then, we took her into the garage and brought the boys out of the car for her to sniff. We had sent their first hospital hats home with my sister for her to smell and get used to (if you are pregnant and have a dog(s), when you deliver save that first hat to send home. The first hat has the babies scent and the yours on it) She was very curious with the boys.
A few hours later, I was in a lot of pain. I hadn't filled my prescriptions yet, and was starting to feel the effects of that mistake. Adam ran to the pharmacy and filled them so I could take them immediately. I was still in a fog. And in an amount of pain I never thought I'd ever experience. And my hormones... oh my! I was crying just looking at my little loves. I kept saying, I can't let anything happen to them. What if something does? what if something happens to me? I again, wanted to go back to our hospital room, where I knew everyone was safe. and GOD I was HOT.
That evening, I was still hot, I kept saying, is anyone else hot in here? No one was. Then around 8pm, everyone started to feel what I was feeling, hot! Sure as shit, our AC was out. I wanted to cry but didn't. We called our AC company, it was too late for them to come out. I looked at Adam and said "I will pay thousands of dollars right now for one of those emergency places to come out and fix it." So we had one come out. The fellow who came to fix it went to take a look at it. He came back in with this sad look on his face. He knew what was wrong but he couldn't get the part until 8 a.m. He looked down at the twins and said "I am so sorry."
So now we had to figure out what to do. Over my dead body was I taking two newborns (four days old) to a hotel. I wouldn't even take them now and they are almost a month! They weren't allowed around any other babies or children so friends here in town were out of the question. Only other option was to drive to my mom's in Orlando. At this point I still didn't cry. My maternal instincts must have kicked in and all I was focused on was getting my little some place cool and safe to sleep. So off to Orlando we went.
My sweet sister who had one more night with the babies had to say good-bye. She made coming home so easy and beautiful. I was so sad to not get to spend this one last night with her. She ended up at my brothers that night, but stayed back to shut down our house for us.
a little side note, since the boys were losing so much weight the pediatrician wanted to see them the next day in her office (Saturday) to get weights and measure their jaundice. That appointment was at 10 a.m. the next morning.
We got to my mom's, got through our first night of sleeping and feeding.
The rest of our first week was spent downstairs, as I wasn't allowed to use stairs for two weeks (I gave in after 7 days on the couch, my back couldn't handle it) We set up a little apartment downstairs and made our dining room table Baby Central. our next six days were spent snuggling the littles, learning our way through everything, sleepless nights, Adam bringing Campbell to the changing table more than twice, and both of us waking up between each feed thinking the other one fell asleep with a baby. It will be a week we never forget. We did it together, learned together, and built more and more respect for one another.
The morning of October 1st, I woke up extremely calm. (I know, I was shocked myself) One of my favorite nurses was working and I was her patient that day (by request, of course). She changed out my IV, wheeled a stretcher in front of my room and we were off. I think I had gotten so used to taking things day by day minute by minute, that I couldn't even think 5 minutes ahead of myself. So I contribute that to my calmness (and don't worry that's all about to change)